You could tell your wife you have decided to fulfill a life long fantasy and take her sister instead of her.

That should get her excited. Be ready to duck.

Wives new to sailing generally do well with the same rules as small children new to sailing:
- alternate quaint little towns/docks with anchoring out, erring more towards the docks
- no travel days over 3 hours if possible
- be willing to spend an extra day in one place if it's blowing 30 knots between you and your destination
- bring good food and good drinks and lots of both
- never yell at your crew, even when you find yourself drifting sideways through a busy marina with a heavy crosswind and everyone is watching!

I find 2 or 3 nights is easiest to plan for because you don't need to shop for supplies in between, after that you might as well make it a week.

I've been doing this since I was a very small child (18 days old I think) so I have seen an awful lot of 'new' owners come and go. Just be patient, some people get it right away, some never do.

There are so many things I could say, but nurturing this dream is partly about not letting a few nasty surprises discourage you or the crew before you really get started in a cruising lifestyle.

As the quote goes: "Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgment."

Unless you are very good and somewhat unusual, much of your true learning about cruising will come from mistakes. Too many of the wrong types of mistakes too early on, however, can often lead the admiral (wife) to abandon the dream.

So, with that in mind, take baby steps and stack the odds greatly in your favor of having a simple, very pleasant cruise. Don't add unnecessary risk or demand too much from the crew. Later, when you know everyone is enjoying the lifestyle, you will need to gradually push your limits to become a better sailor and cruiser, but you don't need to start out that way.

Best of luck!

Tim, where do you sail? That might help us to help you. Here are some of points that I try to teach to my students:

1) The boat is a NO YELL ZONE! (Sorry to yell like that, but I guess my emotions just ran amuck.)

2) Training and practice are worthy investments. If you want your crew to 'want' to be on the boat with you at the end of the day's voyage, then you have to let them have confidence that the journey and the anchoring process will result in a pleasureable experience. How often have we all heard crews of sail and power come in to a quiet anchorage and argue about the anchoring process! I don't blame the crews for not wanting to endure that. On the other hand, I know that the Reason for the skipper yelling is that HE is insecure, and the yelling is an out-of-control condition. Knowledge, training, practice...the more experience you have with the boat, the more confident you will be.

I became a sailing instructor not because I wanted to make money from teaching sailing, but to become a better sailor. "The best way to learn something is to teach it," they say. Nowadays, I am pretty much unflappable whatever I am facing. That confidence and competence is conveyed silently to anyone on board, so they feel safe and secure at all times.

3) Know that the responsibility for a screw-up lies *always with the skipper*, not with your crew. If something screws up and you ding the dock or the neighbor's boat, either you asked someone to do something they couldn't do, didn't know how to do, didn't know when to do, or they didn't hear you, or they were intimidated because they were afraid of being yelled at. But it is YOUR FAULT, not theirs.

4) Knowledge is good for your crew, also. Invest in sailing lessons for your spouse...at a professional school, not 'free' lessons with you. Keep well away when she is taking her lesson, as she need to figure this out in her own style, and understand what's happening in her own way.

5) Keep the boat spic and span. If the boat is clean and well organized inside and out the crew will much more want to be in that environment.

And lastly, my favorite Rule...

6) NEVER ALLOW A TV ON THE BOAT. This will force you both to be aware of the beauties of nature and spark the romantic interest of each other. Otherwise you may as well be in a Motel 6...watching TV, that is. The Motel 6 is the place for TV away from home; reserve the boat for discovery and romance.

I have the greatest respect and admiration for the racing that Jason and others do on their boats, but to me and my wife a boat is, above all, a tool for achieving serenity.

[QUOTE=tim_farrell;8952]Thanks Jason - for the advice. I think once she goes that she will love it. There are plenty of nice ports in Southern Connecticut I can take her to.

I will give it a try.[/QUOTE]
Where do you sail out of? I may be able to offer some suggestions...

I am on my thrid wive. (The first two died of cancer) and all three wives wanted to cruise differently.

Wife !. Liked to go to restaurants didn't care if we docked or stayed on the hook and did not like sailing at night.

Wife 2. Liked sailing long distances regardless if it ment sailing all night and day and liked cooking on board.

Wife 3. Does not like sailing at night or anchoring out. She is a past Commodre of our Yacht Club who attended all the meetings of the Florida Council of Yacht Clubs, therefore she knows people in most of the yacht clubs in Florida and likes to visit with them. She also reads a lot while I am sailing

The two things all three had in common is they liked to sail with other boats and have cocktail hours in the evening with them. The other thing is none of them would go on a cruise without a TV. We bring C.D.'s in the event we can not get good reception.

There is good advice here. I have been working on this problem for years. The goal is to make sure the wife has a pleasant time and not frightened. I have found that choosing sunny days, winds 9 to 15 knts, flat seas and keeping the boat sailing flat work best. Also reef early and if the wind dies motor fast enough to keep the flies away. If the weather is marginal find buddies that like the challenge. I had to learn this the hard way.

Not to brag (ok a little) but this is my wife, 5 months pregnant, clearing the spin halyard at the top of the rig on Flash, a OD48 (so she is about 80' up there) at the north end of Vancouver Island en route to winning the VI360 race. But still, when we are out cruising, she isn't in to travelling more than 3 or 4 hours and would prefer to sit at a dock in a marina. Go figure.

Note: Very few ladies that I know would do this kind of stuff! My mom's been sailing for 30 years and would never go up a rig, but she still spent 80 days or so on the boat last year.[IMG]http://www.c36ia.com/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=549&d=1308239765...

Good on 'ya, Jason. Nice catch!

This is turning out to be a great thread, whether you are new or experienced at cruising.

Some of the latest posts have touched on what I tried to say: create plenty of safe, comfortable, enjoyable experiences early on so that when the occasional not-so-comfortable experience occurs later, they are already hooked on what the good times offers and will accept a little temporary discomfort.

Isn't the rule that if She let's go the halyard, She is the one that gets it???

The other photo is her view from up there...the I-5 bridge, Columbia River, and that's Washington State across the river.

Here is how I cruise, surround yuorself with lots of friends, and go to fun places. Here's a slide show of our 2010 Abaco regatta cruise.
[url]http://www.kodakgallery.com/gallery/creativeapps/slideShow/Main.jsp?sour...

Tim,
Larry is giving you [I]the best possible advice[/I] here, especially #3.
I concur with all of it - my mate has learned to cope with the discomforts to enjoy the nice day's sailing and the anchorages. She and I have visited Tropical islands from our home in New Zealand, (despite many 'adventures') because we learned to depend on each other.
For example my wife was very nervous at the beginning until she learned how to stop the boat herself should I take an accidental swim ;)
Having said this, I was too cheap to spend money on professional lessons for either of us... :o