As many of you may know we bought our C36 with the intention of taking a trip to the south this year. We had many things to celebrate this year, not the least of which was Suzanne's planned retirement this month, and we wanted to mark these occasions with a very special trip. We had been working towards that goal for 3 years.
Last year we got going in earnest on prepping the boat to go south and it was a struggle all the way. Seemed like everything went wrong that could, especially the weather. This spring I could not get the bottom job done on time, missed launch, had to bring in a crane to launch, etc. It seems at times like it wasn't meant to be.
Our run of bad luck worsened when we had to put our beloved German Shepherd, Quincy, down in May. She had a genetic disease, degenerative myelopathy, that caused her to go from a super athlete to a dog that couldn't walk in 8 months. That hurt so much and I had a hard time believing things could get any worse. But they can and did.
Suzanne had been struggling with a gastro-intestinal issue since January and the medical system could not make headway on it. We knew it threatened our trip and we pushed and prodded the system and demanded further tests. On the day she was supposed to leave work for the last day, she was undergoing a needle biopsy. She was diagnosed last week with cancer in her small intestine. Worse, it has spread to the lymph system. The gastro intestinal specialist she had been seeing has presented us with a pessimistic prognosis for a complete cure and we are both pretty scared.
We are fortunate in having a very good cancer center in Toronto, the Princess Margaret Hospital and we have been referred there for treatment. We hope to get a better outlook from the people who deal with this specific, rarely found cancer.
Eventually I persevered with the boat and everything that needed to be done got done and she is ready to go. But we won't be going, not this year, and quite likely not any year.
I post this because in the last 6 years I've read so many times on forums advice to "go now, go cheap but go now". I felt there was little real risk that anything would stop this trip from happening if we did take the time to do it the way we really wanted to, with a good boat, well equipped, prepared and financed. In retrospect....
Never doubt what twists life will throw at you, your world can change in a heartbeat. Ours has.
Oh, Bud. It pains me to read your post. I only know you through this forum and association, but we do have a family of sorts here and I hope you can use us to help you vent and keep a clear head while you two battle this.
I wish you all the best for a cure and will keep you both in my prayers and thoughts.
Duane Ising - Past Commodore (2011-2012)
s/v Diva Di
1999 Catalina 36 Hull #1777
Std rig; wing keel, M35B, Delta (45#)
Punta Gorda, FL
http://www.sailblogs.com/member/diva-di/
Bud,
Our prayers are with you and Suzanne.
Tom Sokoloski
C36/375IA Past Commodore
Noank, CT
Bud, it saddened me as I read what you had posted. First of all for Suzanne, then you. Yes, life can throw us some unexpected curves. We renamed our boat [B][I][COLOR="DarkOrchid"]Carpe Diem[/COLOR][/I][/B] because at this age (early 60's) we felt we should seize the day. We are contemplating the idea of moving aboard her in the next few months. Your posting has convinced us that we will indeed do just that.
Bud, my wife and I will keep you in our prayers buddy.
Glenn Druhot
Carpe Diem
New Bern, NC
35* 6' 10" N / 77* 2' 30" W
2001 C36, Hull #1965
Std Rig; Wing Keel; M35B
Bud:
As I read your post it has once again hit so close to home with Jeannie and I. Reading what you wrote is so true to anyone that wants to go cruising that we always say that we are going to wait for a bigger boat or we are not ready yet. I worked over 33 years in the auto industry and in maintenance. The friends and buddies I worked with are now passing away as some are very young.50s and early 60s. In the last 2 years before Jeannie and I left Michigan to head to the Bahamas as you were planning. I went to 11 funerals of guys I worked with and went to the latest one just this past Sunday. He was 61. When my closet friend of 51 past away the year before we left I told Jeannie we are going no matter what. As you say life is very short. Jeannie and I feel very sorry and want to know you are in our thoughts and prayers, epically your wife Suzanne. As quoted here in a earlier post we are like family on here. Many we do not get to meet in life but we were hoping to meet you and Suzanne along the way. We all are praying and pulling for Suzanne.
Randy & Jeannie
Randy Sherwood
Mutualfun 1990 # 1057
T/R W/K M35a
Home. Charlotte, Mi.
Boat. St Augustine,Fl.
Bud, I'm so sorry to read about the challenges which now confront you and Suzanne. Please know that you are both in my thoughts and prayers. We live in an age of medical miracles these days, so don't lose faith. I will look forward to your post announcing Suzanne's full recovery and your departure date.
Mike
Deja Vu
1991 MK I # 1106
Marina del Rey, CA
Mike's point is a very good one.
I have been amazed how many friends and aquaintances have been treated for cancers that were mostly terminal not too long ago, and 80% of them are doing great now.
Don't lose hope.
Duane Ising - Past Commodore (2011-2012)
s/v Diva Di
1999 Catalina 36 Hull #1777
Std rig; wing keel, M35B, Delta (45#)
Punta Gorda, FL
http://www.sailblogs.com/member/diva-di/
Our thoughts and prayers are with you at this very difficult time.
Brett Colville
Ceiba I - Toronto
2006 Catalina 36 Mk II # 2299
WK | Std Furling Main Rig | Universal M35BC
Home Port: Mimico Cruising Club
Thanks everyone for the kind words and thoughts. It is going to be a long hard fight and the support of caring people in the sailing community is already playing a role in that.
We are disappointed about our trip not happening but the bigger picture is that the trip is minor compared to Suzanne's health. We won't get the chance to meet many of you we had hoped to cross paths with on our way south and that is one of the biggest losses to us.
But above all I want to say again, don't put off the stuff you really want to do. Do it now.
Bud
You would probably be surprised how many of the C36 fraternity from all corners of the globe, whom you may never meet, have quietly read your sad message and whose thoughts are with you both.
Peter Taylor Melbourne Australia. Altair #2227 2005 C36 Mk11
Bud and Suzanne,
Like many I expect I was floored when reading your post and was at a loss for words, this as you know is a rairity for me.
Be assured my thoughts, as all of ours are with you both.
Never forget as with cruising how important attitude is no matter what your obstacle.
Cepheus dream
C36 MK I # 825
MK I Tech Editor No Mas
Bud and Suzanne,
Our thoughts are with you.
Stu
Stu Jackson, C34IA Secretary, C34 #224, 1986, SR/FK, M25 engine, Rocna 10 (22#)
Dear Bud and Suzanne
I, too, only know you through our forum. But, I always read your posts with great interest and appreciate all of the knowledge you have shared with me and the rest of us.
It is a mystery to me why the life lesson you have provided here is so difficult to embrace.
I hope that Suzanne is among the growing number of people who come through cancer treatment with restored health and renewed zest for life.
Wishing you the best,
Elliott
Elliott Milstein
Collaboration #1469
1995 C-36MkII
Port Annapolis Marina
Occasionally - in fact, not infrequently it seems - Life has a way of throwing us a curveball...one which we are not allowed to merely watch as it passes over the plate. We are required to take a swing at it. This is one of those times for Bud and Suzanne, and similarly (albeit not as seriously, I suspect) for me.
What I have found lately is that the boat is a great source of satisfaction and pleasant distraction. An example, a couple nights ago I got two hours sleep, worrying mostly. Later in the day, I drove to the boat intending to do some clean-up and small chores, and simply took a three-hour nap in the V-berth. It changed my whole outlook on the day, and I even slept like cement later that same night at home.
Doing small maintenance - impeller, filters, etc - is such an enjoyable activity that I can for a time forget my troubles, and take pride in accomplishing something.
My cruising dream in High Flight is to do the Inside Passage, sometime in the next 5 years. I think that can still happen, but the odds are certainly less than they were a month ago. From Olympia, Washington to Skagway, Alaska are a thousand nautical miles of the most spectacular cruising on the planet. Glaciers are rapidly receding, so the same Passage five years from now will be considerably different than if done today, but still I have a dream I'd like to fulfill.
But if the dream can't happen, I humbly suggest that the gifts of satisfaction (in even local voyages done in a professional manner), sense of accomplishment (in small or major tasks done with purpose and style), serenity (anchored out where there is not a sound that isn't natural), and sharing (with your loved ones - the plural here makes this phrase include my wife and our two cats) make the boat an important 'safe harbor', one that can offer much in solace and support.
Bud, for you and Suzanne I should spell that 'safe harbour', but however spelled, it is certainly what I wish for you in the daunting struggle you face.
Larry Brandt
S/V High Flight #2109
Pacific Northwest, PDX-based
2002 C-36 mkII SR/FK M35B
Larry, thank you for the insightful and poignant post, it hits home on many levels. Right now she truly is our safe harbo(u)r, we both do much better when we're on board.
Bud & Suzanne
We are thinking of you. At times like this, there are sometimes little shafts of sunlight and may one of them shine down on you, remove the issue and allow you both to fulfill your dreams. Positive things can and do happen to good people.
John & Anita Meyer
Hilbre 2135
John Meyer
Hilbre
C36 MKll, Hull 2135
Cabrillo Marina, San Pedro, CA
Bud and Suzanne,
You are in the thoughts of my family. Thanks you for posting your personal thoughts and challenges. Certainly, we can all benefit from your reminders that life just happens, whether you are ready for it or not.
I agree with one of the other replies that our boats are sanctuaries from the world. Remember to spend some time aboard during the coming challenges. As another source of distraction, might I suggest checking out YOUTUBE. There are many videos posted by people cruising around the world. Maybe you can cruise vicariously through them for now.
Best of luck, our thoughts and prayers are with you both.
Bill & Susan
S/V Wild Wind, 1988 SR, #813,
Channel Islands Marina, CA
Thanks for the kind thoughts Bill. We do read other sailors blogs, had expected to see a bunch of new bloggers leaving the Great Lakes for the south around now. But since the Erie and Champlain Canals are now shut down due to massive damage from Hurricane Irene and not expected to re-open until next spring, there's not likely going to be anybody heading south now. Unless they like Chicago and the Mississippi.
I guess one way or another we were just not meant to make that trip.
Bud. After reading your post about the canals being shut down I had to look back at our log. We were in lock 20 at this time last year. We remember that 3 weeks prior to this time last year the locks were shut down due to high water and debris floatingin the water. We remember dodging around many downed trees. We heard stories fron locals that many had to find different ways back to there home base due to being locked in. For those that are caught in the lock system it will sure change their plans. It would for us we know.
Randy
Randy Sherwood
Mutualfun 1990 # 1057
T/R W/K M35a
Home. Charlotte, Mi.
Boat. St Augustine,Fl.
How are you and Suzanne doing?
Tony Cullen
s/v Sceptre
1995 C-36 MkII 1449 TR/FK
San Diego, CA. (Chula Vista Marina)
Thanks for asking, Tony. Suzanne, is doing far better than what the medical community told us to expect which was to expect the worst. She had 10 rounds of chemo in the fall and the results were far better than what was predicted by oncologists at 3 different sites. Good enough that it made surgery viable.
We were in Toronto on Jan. 26 and after 5 of hours surgery involving specialist surgeons from both Mount Sinai and Toronto General Hospitals, they were able to get all the tumours out from 3 different places it had spread to, as well as doing a resection on the small intestine. All of that also was far better than they predicted and she is healing from that surgery very well.
The surgeon said she has "no measurable disease" in her body, but that doesn't mean she is cancer free. We know it is still there, it just can't be detected. It amazes me continually that with all the "advances" we hear about in cancer treatment, something as basic as the ability to detect it before it forms a tumour even when you know it is there, is virtually non-existant. And the mainstay drug used for treating this cancer was discovered 40 years ago.
Suzanne will be re-starting chemo again on March 7th for another 8 rounds, which takes us up to June 13th. Then she will be off so hopefully we can enjoy this summer on the boat.
The trip south is off indefinitely, the risk of recurrence is going to be real for us for the rest of our lives and that alone will prevent us from taking that trip. It ceased being important the minute we knew what we were facing. That doesn't mean we won't be back down south sailing or doing any travel. Right now we are hoping things work out with treatment that we can do a trans-atlantic repositioning cruise on the Star Clipper next fall, a 4 masted barque that actually does sail (at least during the day). Not quite the same as what we planned, but then again we never planned on crossing an ocean either. A charter in Belize sounds good. And next year if we can we'll take the boat to Georgian Bay and the North Channel. Still lots of life to live, it just means shorter trips out of the country and more local extended cruising.
While we continue to get a negative prognosis long term from the doctors, her treatment has far exceeded all their predictions and I am confident that will continue. The fact is some people do beat this and she shows all the signs that she can be one of them. Doctors refuse to say that, though they will admit if forced into it that her case could go that way. They make it difficult to remain positive, but we are despite their attitude.
The most important thing is that we try to get the most out of each day and continue to feel blessed that we still have each other, we're still here, and while it's been pretty scary, we're still moving forward. That's what counts.
Thanks for sharing all that, Bud. I would say you have a great attitude about how to handle life as you know it now. Don't stop, just adjust your plans.
As for medical prognoses, my wife was told by many of her doctors that she should not expect to get back much of the vision she lost with her stroke 6 weeks ago, but she is probably 80+% back to normal, which is truly amazing.
Don't give up hope!
Duane Ising - Past Commodore (2011-2012)
s/v Diva Di
1999 Catalina 36 Hull #1777
Std rig; wing keel, M35B, Delta (45#)
Punta Gorda, FL
http://www.sailblogs.com/member/diva-di/